Where are you?
In a non slutty way
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
