My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
