I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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