OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
