It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
