i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
