We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
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I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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