you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
