life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
