Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
