Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
not ubering you a puppy
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
