Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
