btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
