I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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