All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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