This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
