I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
