I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
