My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
