I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
