I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
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EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
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Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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