Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
