glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize