3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
this will be a night to untag.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
