i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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