I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
