Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
