my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
