We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
