Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
