Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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