I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
