whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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