just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Come on in and take your pants off
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