fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
