I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
