porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
