if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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