At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
