He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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