i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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