I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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