if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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