Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
