Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Someone came in the potted fern
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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