nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
