i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
you never un-have a 4some
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
