I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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