Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
