They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
