I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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