I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
