she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
