Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
