You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
It's just like the Real World with babies
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
