Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Welp...herpes.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
