You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
