Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(925): View more from California

You make homosexuality sound like a cult.

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(636): View more from Missouri

FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.

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(778): View more from British Columbia

i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.

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(650): View more from California

I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it

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(207): View more from Maine

I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...

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(480): View more from Arizona

I think this baby is eyeing my beer

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life

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(540): View more from Virginia

Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.

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