so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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