i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
