you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
