forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
