I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
