Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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