dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
