there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
