im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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